Thursday 18 June 2009

this evening i had a strange feeling i have not had before. walking across endless heathland, feeling slightly scared that dusk was looming and having given up on finding deer i came across a herd of does and their fawns. the fawns ran away from me and into a dark patch of forest and i followed them and when they started running away further into the forst i started running too and my heart was pounding and i had a feeling that was not a thought but if i had to put it into a thought it would be "there is nowhere i would rather be and nothing i would rather be doing at this moment than this". after the fawns and i had parted ways i started to think about how wonderful it would be if every day had a feeling like that, where you have not lusted after any other environment or scenario, that every day had a moment that was exactly where you wanted to be doing exactly what you wanted to be doing. how wonderful to say to the people you love every night before you sleep "today was everything i wished for it to be".

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i don't remember a night where i have slept before the sky starts to turn blue. i feel so very small now, i am trying to think of tomorrow when i will paint shoes with gold glitter and bring home a mountain of turkish delight,